Nov 21, 2006

Dear Bossy

I’m the stupid one who still travels the day before thanksgiving. To make matters worse my wife and I are flying with our twin three year-old daughters and we’re totally confused about the carry-on rules. Do you have any tips?

- Over The River And Through The Woods
————————————————

Dear Woody,

Although only seven weeks ago the airlines decided that on-board explosives were likely being fabricated from your carry-on deodorant and breast milk, they changed their minds.

These days the airlines have enacted the 3-1-1 rule: You are allowed to carry on liquids and gels and aerosols and explosives as long as they are in
3-ounce containers that are placed inside clear 1-quart ziplock bags. Limit one per passenger.

The following is Bossy’s List of Common Carry-on Items that the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) deems OK if the passenger follows the 3-1-1 rule:

• Baby Formula
  
• Prescription Medication
  
• Hair Styling Products
  
• Make-up
  
• Toothpaste
  
• Screwdrivers, Pliers, and Wenches Wrenches
  
• “Beverages” brought from home
  
• Aerosol Paint
  
• Pressurized Cheese
  
• Corkscrew
  
• Transplant Organs
  
• Cigar Cutters
  
• Prosthetic Breasts
  
• Metal Scissors
  
• Toy Transformer Robots

And the following is Bossy’s List of Common Carry-on Items that the Nervous Nellys over at the TSA insist should be checked with your luggage:

• Ice Picks
  
• Meat Cleavers
  
• Sabers
  
• Firearms
  
• Billy Clubs
  
• Cattle Prods
  
• and Gel Shoe Inserts

DogsPeed. Godspeed.

This Is The TSA’s List Of Everything You Can And Can’t Bring And Other Rules.

More Travel Tips Although Bossy’s Travel Tip Would Be: Stay Home.

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7 comments

1. 1
   on November 21st, 2006 at 12:26 pm
   Adorable Girlfriend said:

   When traveling frequently, I keep thinking that AG should put something funny in the clear baggie and let it go through. Something like a rubber chicken or something.


2. 2
   on November 21st, 2006 at 3:31 pm
   blue girl said:

   Dear Bossy,

   Did you not *get* my latest post? And if not, should I take it down?

   Sincerely,

   blue girl


3. 3
   on November 22nd, 2006 at 1:59 am
   annieangel said:

   Husband should always be spelled with a capital H. Only whores spell Husband with a lower case h.


4. 4
   on November 22nd, 2006 at 1:39 pm
   Pinko Punko said:

   I think Rebbestzin is Shoelimpy™. I think BOSSY got it goin on.


5. 5
   on November 22nd, 2006 at 3:47 pm
   P.U.N.K.O said:

   AG CAN EAT ME. Right after Sarah Lawrence chumpnozzles and Rebbe Munchloaf! What does the Torah say on the kosherness of emu?

   Total choads, and I don’t mean the stumpy penis definition, I mean the total choad definition.

   As usual, BOSSY ROCKS.


6. 6
   on November 23rd, 2006 at 2:29 am
   Various Scallops and Oysters said:

   What, no exhortation to try the veal? Oh, BTW, EAT ME. More parables featuring Spiderman please.


7. 7
   on November 23rd, 2006 at 2:47 am
   annieangel said:

   God this bites.

   AG, do you seriously care about this? If you do, I’ll spank them good for you, but I feel it would be a waste of both my time and Jesus’s.