Dec 28, 2006

ADVICE OF THE DAY – You Have 96 Hours To Hide Your Money (What Money?)

As the end of the tax year approaches, CNNMoney urges you to follow these ten fraudulent easy steps to get your filing records in the best possible condition:


  1. Make your home more energy efficient within the next two days two years and you can earn up to $500 in tax credits. Or better yet, build
    a new home in the next two days two years that saves 50% in heating and cooling costs and earn up to $2,000 in tax credits! Considering the average cost of new construction is $309,700 – you’ll need only 155 years to break even!

  2. Project your tax numbers to determine if you fall under the unfortunate category of The Alternative Minimum Tax. The AMT system was passed in 1970 to target the wealthy but meanwhile the chuckleheads over at the IRS forgot to adjust the AMT numbers for inflation and rising incomes:

    In 1970 if a married couple grossed $75,000 they were wealthy.
    In 2006 if a couple married 75,000 they were gross.
    You do the math.

  3. Figure out your income versus deductions and then if necessary delay some of your income until after January 1st. Just tell your boss to hold on to it. You can also accelerate your expenses by paying tax-deductible organizational dues ahead of time. You can similarly be born a welfare green-pepper burger stay-at-home mom like Bossy and never have to worry about excess income a day in your life.

  4. Postpone your bonus check until January. After becoming the only wizard to escape Voltemort alive and retrieve your full inheritance from Gringotts.

  5. Throw your money into a deductible Individual Retirement Account. A conventional IRA defers your taxes while a Roth IRA is tax-free. The deadline for opening an IRA against this year’s taxes is April 15, 2007. Or if you’re like Bossy you can just apply that IRA money directly to a Netflix membership.

  6. Pay things off early, before year’s end – like your state taxes or your property taxes – or consider making an extra mortgage payment so you can deduct that interest! Another option is to pay off your medical insurance deductible while reaping side benefits such as Late December Dental Surgery! A suggestion which Bossy thinks is further proof that this saving money business is a lot like pulling teeth.

  7. Give a gift to charity! Consider a little-known charity
    spelled B-O-S-S-Y.

  8. Give financial gifts to your children! Up to $12,000! Checks made out to B-O-S-S-Y.

  9. Offset your capital gains by selling the stinkers in your investment portfolio. Bossy has a very special Personal Investment Portfolio thick with charts and graphs that looks like this:

    Tv_guide_logo_2

  10. Consider getting married on or before December 31st. To a really wealthy person.

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