May 7, 2007
Blog Kindergarten: A Bossy Tutorial. The Compact Fluorescent Light Bulb.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth had no form. It was empty, covered with darkness and water. And God stepped in this water, in the darkness, and it gave him the major willies.
Then the Spirit of God hovered over the water, and God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good. It was a pinkish warm glow that complimented the smart stripes in his Waverly throw pillows.
But God couldn’t leave well enough alone because God can be like that. So God created the compact fluorescent light bulb. “That is the ugliest frigging light bulb I’ve ever seen in my life,” God’s life partner Kenneth said. “But Muffin,” God tempered, “it uses 66% less energy than a standard incandescent bulb and last up to ten times longer.” At which point Kenneth said he didn’t give a rat’s ass because the bulb made his skin blue.
So God surrendered the argument and threw the compact fluorescent light bulb into the dumpster. (Where Satan lifted the patent.) Then God divided the pinkish warm light from the darkness. God called the light day, and the darkness he called night. And the evening and the morning were the first day, even though it felt more like three damn days to God.
Bossy Can’t Care That They Save The Planet, She Still Thinks They’re Ugly As Sin.
Bah hahaHA!
I was just having a conversation with a girlfriend about this very thing this weekend. Four months ago my honey bunny changed ALL THE LIGHTS in the house to these things and now I look like I’m permanently living in the changing room at J.C. Penney’s. But we’re doing our paaaaaaart!
They are indeed hideous, and they cast nasty light, and there’s a delay when you flip the switch. The only place I can countenance them is in completely enclosed fixtures with translucent glass – so that their nasty light is mitigated by the prettier glass. There has got to be a better way.
ugh. my husband changed out all of our regular light bulbs to these. Then he started towards the bathroom and that’s when I had to put the smack down on him. No way am I trying to put on my make up in that damn light.
Kenneth told me that He’s he reason that rainbows are soooo pretty. FULL SPECTRUM LIGHT. Yeah baby. (I’m preachin’ on the world according to Kenneth next Sunday for sure!)
That top swirly bulb you have in your post? Yeah, that one! We replaced all of our lamp bulbs with those — well, even the outside lamps on either side of the garage (our HOA insists that all lamps are lit! Gah! HOA bahstads!) Just this weekend we had to buy new flood light bulbs for the kitchen ceiling lights. It’s just keeerazy that ONE bulb was $5.98! We have those flood lights in our loft too! Expensive suckahs!
Anyway — carry on friendgirl! Carry on!
Really? You think it’s a hideous bulb? I thought it was really cute! My father-in-law thinks they’re ugly too. I figured he was just being miserable as usual.
I still think they’re cuuuuute. I could only afford 1 this year and it’s in the lamp I use over my easel. Hmmm.
Going green isn’t always pretty…
Ugly lightbulb misery? Try new, improved light shades ffs!
Must send this post to hubs the ENERGY ADVISOR who insists that we have these freaky, deaky mistakes of GOD in our home.
Your pal,
Blue
My first relaxed smile of the day came when I read the line, “God’s life partner Kenneth.” GOOD TIMES. Printing out several copies and littering local parochial school parking lot.
I agree, I am searching for some pretty way to save the earth. For example, we have switched to cloth napkins! Is it more laundry with three kids, um, it’s hard to say there’s so much laundry, I think we’re breaking even. Also, I put ugly crappy light bulbs in all closets and in the laundry room. Other pretty way to save the earth: visiting farm stand and buying local produce (low-emission eating)…only problem is nothing grows here for 6 months of the year. We’ll starve if we try to eat local. I do not consider squirrels to be a food source. I do all my pretty-pretty earth saving in the good weather months.
Trying to do my part with minimal personal impact, I put these bulbs in all of my closets, attics (yes, I have 2 attics), and my shed. Saving the planet one convenient step at a time
Husband is installing these fockers everywhere! I look like a corpse. Oh so pretty…
this is awesome. i always knew god was like that.
Ugly as sin true it is true,
but they do save the wasteful sinner.
Great post! But be very careful not to break these environmental wonders. They contain mercury, and I believe there was story recently about how much money it costs to detox a room if you do break one. Probably a bit of hysteria… I love to look sallow.
they are about to make them the LAW in Canada. This is the first time in my life I thought I should move to the States for my own good.
They DO contain mercury, and they should be disposed of with hazardous waste, NOT with regular garbage. I’m annoyed EPA does not make that clearer to people. I know they’re more hassle but whatever, global warming sucks too.