Nov 15, 2007
Things That Make You Want To Drink Gin Straight From The Cat Bowl.
Dear Terrorists,
So did you read the news today about how undercover investigators smuggled bomb-making components through security checkpoints at 19 different airports throughout the United States?
Right? Just in case you’re still a bit unclear about how exactly you can pull this off yourself, the Government Are-You-Trying-To-Get-Us-All-Killed? Accountability Office put together this report of helpful tips:
- The bomb-making components used by the investigators are widely available at local stores! And online! And cost less than $150!
- The bomb-making components can be smuggled in your luggage and on your body. Even the obligatory security checkpoint hand-wand and pat-down won’t detect the items!
- A simple Internet search will provide all the instructions you need to assemble these smuggled components into two different types of devices once onboard the aircraft! One bomb can be fashioned of liquid explosives, and one bomb by combining everyday products contained in your carry-on bag!
Easy peasy, huh? Although the Government Accountability Office issues one word of caution: don’t even dream of packing an unlabeled container of medicated shampoo, because that will be removed from your luggage at the security checkpoint and may arouse suspicion.
All set? You can probably learn more later today when officials testify before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. Oversight, indeed.
Love, Bossy.
Oh, I’m just looking so forward to flying soon.
o_0
Walmart took advantage of the free advertising and put the bomb making kit on sale.
Well it doesn’t take much these days to get Mary Alice to drink gin straight from the cat bowl.
Honestly sometimes I think the media does us more harm than good. Wonder how long it would take to drive home for Christmas.
Yeah, I think I saw it in the Target circular too.
I think it’s time for old Loudon Wainwright III to write another verse to Hard Day On The Planet.
I can find out how to make a bomb and take down a planeload of people just in time for the Thanksgiving rush, and yet I can’t find nonsensical instructions for how to put together my flippin’ IKEA coffee table.
That would be “sensical”…the double negative threw me off.
I’m going to go hide under my comforter now. Someone tell me when the turkey’s ready.
We hate it when the government keeps information from us….we don’t want them keeping secrets…FULL DISCLOSURE (said tongue in cheek).
I’m a frequent flyer and I quit smoking two years ago (YEAH JANICE!!) but before that I hated the fact of arriving at my destination and not having a way to light that smoke, so….I decided I would travel with a lighter in my carry-on and take my chances on having it confiscated. No one EVER took my lighter. Scarey that the screeners took my lip gloss but didn’t see my lighter.
Now, please pass the cat bowl.
Oh yipes. Now I have a tummy ache.
The fact that it hasn’t happened yet can only mean a few things 1) Terrorists are even dumber than security screeners or 2)They are waiting for some special moment that will only make sense to them.
I often wondered why we didn’t make the TSA a part of the military so at least the people at the metal detectors could actually take down the would-be terrorists instead of looking like they just got done winning a Krisoy Kreme eating contest- oh wait, that’s right, a few of Cheney’s friends wanted some government contracts.
Our all-seeing government knew that Bossy was about to make a bunch of snarky anti-government comments, and THAT’S why she didn’t win the Funniest Blog award. We must all band together now to protect our Bossy before she disappears in the middle of the night. We will know she did not go voluntarily because the gin will be left behind.
HAHAHAHAHA…let’s help the terrorists more. Also, I love your great dane; we’ve got a 3 year old male that we love to pieces!
Crap. And I am flying next month and I already enjoy it all so much (sarcasm). Now I’m going to be looking at people for bulges in their pants. Uh yeah…You know what I mean.
I am curious how people are able to get out of their seats, into the overhead compartment, dig out all the “ingredients”, and assemble said bomb in their seats.
I can barely balance my soda and peanuts.
Now I know where terrorists get their ideas from. Could we make it any easier for them?
Aaaah! So the terrorists on planes are the ones without dandruff! I’m all over it.
My cat bowl is pretty clean, so it really doesn’t take much to get me there.
Amazing how these things *always* happen when things are looking bad for the conservatives? Doesn’t anyone remember the story of the boy who cried wolf?
Good thing we’re spending a bazillion dollars on the war on terror.
I think the whole security screening thing is like the Arizona horse inspectors, a way for a government employee to get their friend a job, or a higher level guy getting their friend a big contract. Just back from flying, and I consider those checkpoints worthless, a big time waster, and something that helps take the fun out of flying, not discussing those tiny seats.
What? No mention of the whole contact lens solution issue in contrast to this news?!!
Pass the Gin filled cat bowl over here.
Deer Bossy,
Pleese dunt macke fun of the guvermont. Whe ar pruv….previ…..praviding the finust sekurety posuble.
Sicnce….sence….sencerely
George W. Bush
My cats take a stand over their cat bowl every time I break out the gin, so I may need another plan.
Oh, and the government is just trying to be helpful since MacGyver reruns are so hard to find.
I love how we make it so easy for them. They must be laughing in their posh caves.
I love how we make it so easy for them. They must be laughing in their posh caves.
I believe so strongly in what I had to say, that I had to post my comment twice
I heard the same report on NPR. Crazy.
I’d rather die today than live a long life afraid every day that I was going to die. What ever happened to the government protecting us without telling us every little detail along the way? Oh yeah, when they needed to scare us to get the votes.
Yikes!
Knowing my luck one of those airports is probably the one 10 minutes from my house. I feel so freaking safe now.
Since I just got back from an international trip, this is just SO REASSURING!!!
Oh for gosh darn sakes.
Shall we just go ahead a publish a how-to manual and sign the terrorists up for bomb-making seminars?
I heard this on the news this morning. First I cursed the stupid committee for making this public knowledge, then I cursed the media for sharing it world-wide. Idiots…the whole bunch of them.
Bossy for President!!!
And yet I’ll still have to take my shoes off to go through security next week when I go visit my parents.
a ploy? ya think?? damn, damn republicans think of everything.
I have been shouting this post at the t.v. for years now. I get the feeling nobody’s listening to me.
I thought the same thing when I saw that news report. I’m with Momo. Vote for Bossy!
Ah you are blissful escapism personified. Next time you have to go to the airport, just admit defeat. There is only one way to defeat the terrorists and make the custom/ security personnel’s jog easier. Don’t worry about removing your shoes, wearing socks and sandals, the only solution is for us all to submit to the ultimate, turn up naked.
Cheers and by by to queues [or should that be lines?]
Yes, it is stories like these that keep me awake at night, which is how I find myself here 2 hours after I went to bed.
SA
main reason why i’d rather drive anywhere than fly! scary stuff!
love your blog…i’m going an reading more posts from your archives!
I read this while sitting in an airport, waiting for my next flight. Honest.
With my luck, I’ll be sitting by the bomber and get the blame. I’m so not lucky.
This would be funny if it wasn’t so scary, and pitiful.
My friend inadvertently carried a boxcutter in her purse from DC to Las Vegas, and back, undetected. Of course they threw away all of her Clinique the trip before that because the containers were bigger than 3 oz. UGH.
I hate when they do this stuff. Like the news shows how easy it is for theives to “bump” locks. Um, thanks for teaching others!
PS: Am I wrong or is the title a reference to Anne Lamott?
My cats drink out of the toilet bowl, which holds a very large amount of gin. Here’s to you, most-incompetant-prezzident-ever-Bush!
We’ll skip the fly option over Thanksgiving but we’ll just have to bite the bullet over the ‘holidays.’ On second thoughts I’ll bite something else other than a bullet as that might delay or derail our transit through customs.
Cheers
Seriously. Well said.