Oct 1, 2008
Bossy Sees Your Proprietary Whey And Raises You Some Fiber.
Does anyone remember clear back to September when Bossy didn’t know what a vivanno was, and she held smoothies in the same esteem reserved for things like toe hairs, and she recognized ice cubes as those items she fished out of her nightly gin and tonic?
No, Bossy doesn’t remember either.
Anyway. Bossy is on a budget—which she will tell you all about when hell freezes over in a day or two when she launches her new blog design—but in the meantime: Bossy learned how to approximate the Orange Mango Banana Vivanno at home, using a blender with one hundred speeds, all of them
fooking fast.
Shall we begin?
First Bossy drops a whole banana into her blender and adds some orange juice and 1% milk:
Then Bossy ads a few heaping tablespoons of nonfat plain yogurt:
Now it’s time for a sprinkling of flax seed:
And a shake or two of wheat germ:
That’s a drum roll you hear, because now it’s time for a spoonful of Bossy’s
very secret, very proprietary fiber:
Next Bossy adds a cup or two of frozen mango chunks and a cup of ice cubes:
Then you blend, although Bossy likes to leave her ice cubes partially chunky. Pour into a tall glass with a straw and serve!
For a month, Bossy has been drinking these healthy, low-fat shakes in the place of dessert! And occasionally Bossy has even enjoyed one of these shakes in the place of a meal!
And the low-fat result?
Bossy hasn’t weighed this much since she delivered her second baby.
Corpse hand alert!
God, you are a f*cking genius.
Well Bossy I am sorry to hear that you love them too much. I am curious and may try this at home. I already weigh near what I did after the 2nd baby, so I am safe right?
Wow, I don’t think Pioneer Woman has ever used Metamucil in any of her recipes!
When I get in from a run, I sometimes drink a big glass of Metamucil. Mm, refreshing.
Is it really kind of green, or is that my monitor?
I have the bananas and the metamucil and the wheat germ and orange juice and ice cubes but I do not have any mangos today. Or plain yogurt. But I do have some blackberry harvest yogurt, would that work? Hmmm….must try this. Thanks.
Nonfat usually means high carb.
Yeah – I started taking fiber a month ago…. I just hit maximum capacity as far as my weight goes.
How come things like this never work for me, but my sister in law has dropped about 20 pounds from taking fiber more regularly (no pun intended)?
This drink looks fantastic. I shall have to try it!
Bwahahahah! I’m not laughing at Bossy, but with her. This is precisely how diets at my house work. I’ve been exercising like crazy all summer. Net result? Gained two pounds.
I would say that eating these for breakfast, with a bit of added protein (like an egg) would be good. But adding them for dessert after a meal is adding another 500 cals to your day. Unfortunately low fat doesn’t equal low calorie. *sigh* How pathetic is it that I know that?
A Metamucil shake, hmmmm. But I do love mangos.
Jen
We use ground flax seed for ours. The whole seeds get caught in the straw sometimes which then requires extra sucking.
Do you realize how many CALORIES are in that drink? Contrary to popular opinion, adding healthy flax seed and wheat germ DOES NOT reduce the number of calories. Would you sit down for an afternoon snack and eat a banana, 2 mangos, a glass of milk, and a yogurt? That’s more than a meal! It’s not fair how we tend to confuse “healthy” with “no calories”.
And if you add VODKA you have smoothie/dinner/dessert AND Chef’s Little Helper all in one!
Believe Tootsie, it is the yogurt. So many carbs. Tootsie gained 5 pounds when she was being healthy and eating a bowl of non fat yogurt sprinkled with granola and bananas every day.
You totally lost me at the metamucil. Can’t make that leap.
I didn’t expect that last line. Thanks for the laugh!
My aunt tried to talk me into getting some protein shake crap…I’ll just stick to coffee and creamer…
I love the alternate title of the first photo. Your smoothie tutorial rocked.
I add flax seeds and wheat germ to my smoothies, too. Also, to PB&Js and waffles with peanut butter & honey; I sprinkle them both on top.
My smoothies consist of:
Vanilla soymilk
1 or 2 bananas
Frozen strawberries
ground flax seed
wheat germ
almond slices (OR)
natural peanut butter
honey
YUM.
Wheat germ sends shivers down my spine and straight into my colon.
I had a drink like that recently. It was OJ, Bacardi O, Mango Sherbet and ice in the blender. Not one grain of wheat germ or flax seed. VERY yummy.
I’ve been a lurker, but I thought I’d let you know that I enjoy your blog. I like comments, so I figured so do you. I decided to get off my lurking ass and leave you a comment.
The smoothies look yummie! I would do it, but I hate to clean up the mess! I’m domestic like that.
Peace out,
Laurel
Is this Metamucil smoothie part of Bossy’s preparation for future induction into the Old Folk’s Home? Say it ain’t so, Bossy!
I love how your blender has many speeds…all fooking fast!
I read this while eating my breakfast of plain, nonfat yogurt and meusli with flaxseed meal, so none of your ingredients were too scary for me. Although, meusli is my metamucil apparently.
Thanks for a really fun post!
P.S. I love the flower arrangement on the table in yesterday’s post…. the vase shape, the flowers, everything!
you don’t even know how much i love your blog. suuuhriously…
howsabout adding metamucil to the evening gin & tonic & calling it a day?
bottom’s up!
That’s awesome! I did something similar trying to make my own iced cappuccinos at home (to resemble Tim Horton’s). I used cold brewed coffee and was supposed to use less sugar and skim milk. BUT>>> they taste so good with lots of sugar and Whole milk and for an extra kick some hazelnut coffee creamer too. A low fat alternative they were NOT.
The color of that mixture looks a bit terrifying.
And yes, yes, I thought the banana was quite phallic. Only because I haven’t gotten any in over a month.
Can you show me how to make a chocolate brownie frap next?
I feel a poop coming on just looking at it. In a good way.
Love me some Vivi!
And did you know that whey (milk protein) is actually protein powder, not fiber powder like metamucil?
I agree… definitely a BREAKFAST shake ONLY!
You really do need to ground them flax seeds. If not they ain’t helping, your body can’t break down the shell. Grind some up and store them in the freezer.
Bossy can have my share. It doesn’t have enough visual appeal for me. If it were pink or orange, even purple…but not earth tone.
What time do you break out the gin and tonic?
Prune yogurt. I am serious. One little container. It WORKS.
I made a blackberry and banana smoothie the other night and my son saw the blackberries in the blender and asked if it was poop.
The last sentence killed. Ba dum bump…
Thanks for reminding me that I bought a new package of ground flax seed the other day. I used it for two days, and then forgot.
Off to get that and peanut butter right now.
Do you mean before the baby came out, or immediately after? Because either way, I was a big fat-ass until at least 6 months after having the baby. So I think I’ll stick with ice cream. It comes “ready made” and all.
Not to change the subject, but does Bossy have a cure for the common cold? I am getting my ass kicked like never before. Somebody suggested dumping mucilex down my pants, but it didnt do anything but itch.
The blender is not the only thing that smoothie will go through fooking fast!
A very poopular recipe indeed.
Be careful Bossy, or you will end up like me. On both a DIET and a BUDGET. That is not nearly as sexy as it sounds.
yummmmmm…..
I love your secret ingredient – metamucil
What the fook is Metamucil? Never mind, I’ll look it up on the google…love me a good smoothie. Smoothy? Meh.
I tried re-creating the breakfast meals from Jamba Juice. Didn’t work. I put flax seed oil in mine ’cause Dr. Oz told me to.
…I wanna know if when you are writing and assembling a post for us much like this one, do you laugh out loud and say to yourself, “oh, they’re gonna love this!”…lol… Seriously, do you? ‘Cause I’m dyin’ laughin’ over here…lol… First the “fooking fast” remark, then the “or are you just happy to see me” line, then the “corpse hand alert”…(LOL!*snort*)
D
…Enjoy your smoothie and I do think it needs a lil’ extra, you know, a lil’ oomph…say maybe a lil’ vodka? Hmmm?(said like the Church Lady on SNL)… ;o)
…Blessings…
Bossy, this is like seven scrolls down, so you’ll probably never read it, but I read in several places that for the flax seed to be of any value, it needs to be ground up before it’s used. Otherwise it just comes out the other end looking like it did going in.
I use a pepper mill.
Blend on.
Christ, a Metamucil milkshake. You KNOW you’re getting old.
It is not possible for me to leave any comment other than this:
1. I nearly spit my wine out reading this and
2. You are absolutely, positively, 100%, down-right hilarious.
The End.
p.s. Thank you
How about one of those yogurts with the extra probiotics (READ SCRUBBING BUBBLES) for desert instead?
I am, as usual, in awe of Bossy’s ability to sprinkle flax seed, shake wheat germ, (who would add germs to their healthy type shake anyway?), and spoon fiber while taking pictures.
I know the Other Ree would probably fall into the fooking fast blender and be metamutilated.