Jul 22, 2009

Bossy Is Reading The World’s Biggest Book

Bossy loves history, and lucky thing because her latest library book is three pounds and 623 pages of history, and spoiler alert: Abraham Lincoln is elected president. In fact, this presidential biography covers the brief but tumultuous period between the election of Abraham Lincoln and his inauguration.

Exactly how much history is that? Well for instance, the amount of history in Bossy’s book is bigger than a lime:

It’s more history than the height of an apple:

More history than a cashew, by far:

However, slightly less history than a container of Kefir:

So what has Bossy learned about Abraham Lincoln and the state of the nation during the winter of 1860-1861?

But just because Bossy is only on page eleven, that doesn’t stop her from flipping ahead to find the photos. And here’s what Bossy learned from the photos: Mary Todd Lincoln never posed with her children before her husband was elected president.

And Bossy learned Abe Lincoln had a foxy grown cross-eyed smoking and drinking Harvard freshman son named Robert Todd:

Other things Bossy learned from the photos in her barbell book: Abraham Lincoln didn’t grow his beard until after the election:

Lincoln grew his beard during that very winter in question, as the country around Abraham’s facial hair fractured, north from south:

In fact Bossy learned that razors in general were very scarce in the winter of 1860-1861:

Bossy learned some men are timelessly handsome and transcend the era’s trends:

While others…

Overall it’s been a very informative read so far. Bossy can’t wait to tackle page twelve!

permanent link to post

46 comments

1. 1
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 10:04 am
   Ellie said:

   Nice thinkin’, Lincoln.


2. 2
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 am
   Jen said:

   Hi Bossy, love your website, especially because I live in the “big city” near you town (I’m not a stalker, I can just tell by the pics) ANYWAY, I wanted to ask about the Kefir, how does it taste and does it “work” as a probiotic?
   oh and GREAT post about Lincoln, I learned more from reading this than I ever did in school.


3. 3
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 am
   Tasha said:

   Ed Harris? Or, maybe, Anthony Hopkins? I never thought they looked alike before, but now I can’t decide.


4. 4
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 am
   You can call me, 'Sir' said:

   What I imagine happened at the photo shoot of the first member of the press based on his picture:

   Press Dude: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
   Photographer: OK, stop screaming for a second.
   PD: …
   Photographer: *click* or *POOF* (as the case may be). Okey dokey. Finished.
   PD: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


5. 5
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 10:50 am
   Barb - WillThink4Wine.com said:

   Akshully, there are some bigger books… like the Harry Potter Series. Just saying.


6. 6
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 am
   kay said:

   It would take a presidential photographer to catch me with my children as well, because, like mothers across the universe, I am ALWAYS the one doing the picture-taking.

   Personally? I think Willie died of stand-offishness.


7. 7
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 10:55 am
   MariaV said:

   Scissors were also scarce, right?


8. 8
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 am
   SnowWhite said:

   Snow thinks Bossy should cast Liam Neeson as the beardless Abe.


9. 9
   on July 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 am
   Dingo said:

   The last guy should definitely be played by Kevin Spacey. It works out even better if they film this as a musical because who doesn’t love to hear a pianoforte? Oh, and Kevin Spacey can sing.


10. 10
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 am
    Half Assed Kitchen said:

    Sister, we have the same taste in men.

    Are you lugging that thing to BlogHer?


11. 11
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 am
    Matilda said:

    Last guy is John Hurt. Who is that last guy anyway?


12. 12
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 12:10 pm
    Stickman said:

    I love presidential biographies! I highly recommend John Adams and Truman by David McCullough. They will make that Lincoln book seem puny! John Adams is at least an apple and a half. And that history will definitely be more nuts than Gary Busey!


13. 13
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 12:16 pm
    Martie said:

    I attempted to read a book on Ben Franklin, once. I’m waiting for the movie to come out.


14. 14
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 12:34 pm
    Little Miss Sunshine State said:

    My favorite Presidental couple.
    Did you know Mary got slightly depressed in her later days and that Robert Todd was a piece of work.Let’s just say, not nice to his mama.
    RT had an amazing piece of property in Manchester VT.

    I may have a little historical crush on the Ed Harris dude.


15. 15
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 12:42 pm
    Sara S said:

    I totally was thinking Robert Todd Lincoln looked like Leonardo DiCaprio!


16. 16
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
    21st Century Housewife said:

    Abraham Lincoln: patron saint of homeschoolers, Marfan’s Syndrome, and joke tellers. Also, henpecked husbands and speechwriters. And rail splitters.

    I made that up. But it should be true.


17. 17
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm
    Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

    All that in the first eleven pages. Oy.


18. 18
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 1:16 pm
    Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

    Also? Do I detect a little guyliner on Abe? Maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see . . .


19. 19
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 1:36 pm
    Amy said:

    OMG that guy does look like Ed Harris. Methinks Ed Harris=sexy.

    I’m totally with you on the beard thing, too. Except for boys that can’t grow man-beards, like Keanu Reeves or Johnny Depp. But heck, they’re pretty enough!


20. 20
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 1:40 pm
    Amber Lee said:

    Why can Boast’s son not play the smoking hot freshman in college part?


21. 21
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
    Amy@UWM said:

    Heard of you because you’re a bloggy rock star, but this is my first time actually reading you because you really don’t need MY measly traffic. Clearly. But just had to say after perusing your blog, you. are. hilarious.

    I hate it when the blogosphere is right.

    BTW, Moby Dick is pretty big too. I hear.


22. 22
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
    Amelia said:

    #2 Jen: I know I’m not BOSSY, but here’s my take on Kefir: It tastes kind of like really thin yogurt. It’s a little tart, it’s very refreshing and creamy. It’s thick enough to hold berries in it, but thin enough that you could just drink it if you want. It’s tasty. I, however, prefer the flavored versions of Lifeway Kefir to the plain. Peach is my favorite

    As a probiotic, it works WONDERS. Works much more efficiently than, say, Activia yogurt. Highly recommended.


23. 23
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
    Birdbrain said:

    OMG, the guy reading the paper is Dick Cheney!


24. 24
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 4:22 pm
    Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy said:

    I’m a huge history and Lincoln buff. However, I could not force myself past the 50 page mark in this book. In fact, I may just use it as a weapon for intruders.


25. 25
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 4:28 pm
    Reeb said:

    1. I like the cosmos, zinnias, rudbeckia, and ??? in the jar.

    2. Your “just how much history” comparisons are priceless. Esp the cashew.

    3. I would go to the movie with Leonardo and Ed. That 1860’s Ed guy is hot. And please, do cast Liam as somebody, just not the Dick Cheney one.

    4. What did Robert Todd do that qualifies him as a “piece of work”? More history please.


26. 26
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 4:57 pm
    Sallie said:

    I’m reading a fat bio of Theodore Roosevelt, about as fast as you’re reading Lincoln. want to race? (Reading it because we went to visit “his” national park and realized I knew *nothing* about him or his presidency.)


27. 27
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
    MEG in VA said:

    Your Ed Harris is none other than my great-great-great grandfather, Edmund Ruffin. Just out of curiosity, was his picture in your book…about Lincoln? He is the old Southern gentleman who supposedly started the ruckus in 1861 by firing the first shot on Fort Sumter. Interesting…


28. 28
    on July 22nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
    Mo said:

    The last guy is definitely Harvey Keitel. It’s funny these guys were probably in their 40s or 50s but look about 100.


29. 29
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 am
    Cupcake Murphy said:

    The guy with the crazy frayed bathmat beard looks like Jonathan Pryce


30. 30
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 9:03 am
    Sue said:

    Not to go all Civil War on anyone, but if you want sexy for this time period, go with Robert E. Lee.
    And the best presidential biographies are the ones about the wives! That’s where you find out that Edith Roosevelt yelled at Theodore for bleeding in the house and Lou Hoover occupied herself in boring receiving lines by conjugating Latin (or maybe Greek) verbs in her head.


31. 31
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 10:15 am
    Little Miss Sunshine State said:

    Reeb and more about Robert Todd:
    After Mary Lincoln lost her husband and all of her sons except Robert, she spiraled into despair. She had always had highs and lows, but her epsiodes became more pronounced….shopping binges and some paranoia about her financial state. Today, it has been discussed that she had a Bordeline Personality Disorder or was Bipolar.

    Her son found her to be an embarrassment and although he was wealthy, he subjected her to a public insanity trial and had her committed to a mental hospital.

    If you’re ever in Manchester Vermont, you can visit Robert Todd’s estate. The “insanity papers” were found in a safe in the house.


32. 32
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 11:04 am
    Reeb said:

    Thanks so much, Little Miss Sunshine!

    And I love the small world moment provided by MEG in VA.


33. 33
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 11:09 am
    Lifeway Anna said:

    Hahaha, an innovative use of kefir if I ever saw one! Hope you’re enjoying both book and probiotic goodness


34. 34
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 11:13 am
    Morton Grove said:

    Re: KEFIR – I went to high school with the President/CEO. She took over the company around 2002, when her dad died. The story is really interesting. He moved her from Russia with nothing and invented Kefir. Lifeway Foods is in Morton Grove, IL, and they are all zillionaires. Happy Ending. Here is the stock symbol: LWAY Company is in Morton grove, where we all grew up.


35. 35
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 11:44 am
    Summertime said:

    Did you know Spielberg is directing a movie about Abe Lincoln? Liam Neeson plays Lincoln and it’s written by Tony Kushner. Very exciting.


36. 36
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
    Regina said:

    I think the beardless Abe looks like a dark-haird Ryan Stiles.


37. 37
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 1:22 pm
    Cactus Petunia said:

    Wow. Too much history for a Thursday morning…let me know how it turns out!


38. 38
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
    Cristina said:

    Wow, good call on the Leo DiCaprio guy. Talk about a spitting image.

    First time visiting your blog and I’m hooked! You’re hilarious!


39. 39
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 4:12 pm
    Jenni D said:

    You have freed me, Bossy! I can finally admit that I have always had a bit of a crush on Abe! And in the movie? Cast James Taylor and color his hair black to play Abe.


40. 40
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 6:23 pm
    carma said:

    I am seriously worried about you and your “man crush” on Abe


41. 41
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 6:40 pm
    debby said:

    *spoiler alert*

    er. You do know Abe dies at the end….


42. 42
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 7:49 pm
    Marthavmuffin said:

    Robert Todd Lincoln had a unique experience, he witnessed his fathers assisination, and also two other presidents- Garfield and McKinley’s as well.

    And yes I would love to act like I know something but this wall of history books in our house have been devoured and pretty much memorized by my husband. (Who I often read Bossy’s posts out loud to)


43. 43
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 8:48 pm
    Bush Babe said:

    Ha ha Debby!!!
    All casting is spot on… esp like Kevin Spacey for last dude!
    
    BB
    PS Bossy, give me your weather report for Chigago – I am having a ‘world weather watch’ at my place today!!!
    http://bushbabe.blogspot.com/2009/07/world-weather-watch-week-1.html
    All welcome!


44. 44
    on July 23rd, 2009 at 9:16 pm
    Life with Kaishon said:

    I just love learning from you : ) and your big, fat book!


45. 45
    on July 24th, 2009 at 9:38 am
    Tammy said:

    Abe is my favortie president too, and not just ’cause we share a birthday.

    I agree…Ed Harris would be great to play the long haired fellow. Perpaps Jude Law minus accent for Robert Todd?


46. 46
    on July 29th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
    foolery said:

    Last guy?

    SHATNER