Oct 9, 2011

A Very Bossy Tutorial: The Ten Days Of Repentance

It goes like this: Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, a day when God sits on a throne and contemplates a person’s deeds, and considers that person’s fate for the coming year, utilizing all of the scribblings in his big record book:

Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, which is when God seals the fate of each person based on these contemplations and considerations of deed.

But get this: in between the deciding of the fate, on Rosh Hashanah, and the sealing of the fate, on Yom Kippur, there are ten days in which to amend behaviors and seek forgiveness.

Here’s how Bossy spent her ten days:

Day One: can’t remember

Day Two: can’t remember

Day Three: something about trying not to curse as much, but really — who the fook can remember

Day Four: resolving not to lean on the crutch of alcohol, Bossy goes out with her brother and enjoys a glass of wine. Followed by two more glasses of wine

Day Five: determined to be a more dedicated mother, Bossy attends her daughter’s marching band event. Oh never mind, no she didn’t — she blew it off for Netflix

Day Six: disavowing the temptation of frivolous things, Bossy went to a Free People store and purchased a pair of jeans off the sale rack. Because cheap is not frivolous.

Day Seven: Bossy gave to charity, and that charity was watching sports when Bossy actually wanted to watch Project Runway

Day Eight: something something and then frying onions something

Day Nine: practiced compassion by going to a series of art galleries while not saying things like, “That looks like my cat stepped in paint and walked across the canvas.”

Day Ten: who could remember. It’s not as if that day was yesterday. Oh, wait.

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10 comments

1. 1
   on October 9th, 2011 at 4:19 pm
   Brucie A said:

   Oh, Bossy!… Whatever could you possibly have to atone for?

   The concept is absurd on its face!

   Please, enough with the meshuga…


2. 2
   on October 9th, 2011 at 5:34 pm
   Mariana said:

   “who could remember. It’s not as if that day was yesterday.”
   … I swear, I feel like this almost every single day!


3. 3
   on October 9th, 2011 at 8:32 pm
   zidia said:

   Bless you daughter for you have——–a conscience!!
   Happy New Year!!


4. 4
   on October 10th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
   Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said:

   I think it might be easier being a Methodist.


5. 5
   on October 10th, 2011 at 1:40 pm
   Olivia said:

   Olivia is Catholic – confess it all to a priest and you’re good to go!

   Then someone told Olivia about a “confession app” and she was all set to run out and get an iPhone so she could just confess to that when she found out that the app merely prepares a person for confession – it won’t actually absolve Olivia at all.

   Dang!


6. 6
   on October 10th, 2011 at 2:06 pm
   Lisa Tognola said:

   It’d be better if there were 8 days to atone and 10 days of Hanukkah.


7. 7
   on October 10th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
   The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful said:

   That sounds pretty much like what we agnostic shiksas did for the last 10 days.


8. 8
   on October 11th, 2011 at 6:56 am
   Gail K. said:

   Somehow I think the “Oyvey” faced guy is looking at YOU, Bossy! And the bearded gentleman rolling his eyes behind him is saying “For the love of all that is holy…pass the Manischewitz!”

   The rest of the week, sounds like good clean atonement.


9. 9
   on October 11th, 2011 at 9:08 am
   The Domestic Goddess said:

   I’d make a lousy jew. Mostly because of my addiction to nitrate-laden pork products.


10. 10
    on October 12th, 2011 at 1:56 pm
    Lori said:

    The OyVey face is classic!